The Art Of (NOT) Being Perceived
What we call “fear of being seen” it’s a real thing and it expands in many areas of our lives. While i am not talking about the specific medical condition, the fear i am referring to is the “social media extract” discussed by a lot of self help gurus. Specifically the fear of being seen trying, failing or being judged by other people.
One of its most common examples i have observed is related to social media. Especially when people approach the posting part wondering what to share: “Is it too much?” “does this story looks good?” “Is it ok if i post?”.
I have been doing it (content creation) for a little more than a year now and i was not untouched by this fear. The only way to start for me was by blocking everyone i knew so that they wouldn’t have had access to what i was posting. By doing that i would have avoided the judgment part.
But there were other ways in which this fear was still showing up: having lunch alone for example. This thought in my head kept telling me it was not normal, that people would have think i was loser with no friends. Very dramatic.
The point is that this fear shows up in more people than you would think and covers any kind of area of their lives.
Since we discuss fashion here an example that really stuck with me was a conversation i had some months ago. I do not come from a big town and with a friend the topic on “how to dress” came up when we were having a coffee. I remember her saying that considering where she lived wearing whatever she wanted would have led judging looks because people would have not understood. Therefore she hesitated to do so or didn’t do it in the first place. Personally two years ago, if you had had this discourse with me i would have answered in the very same way, maybe even with a more pessimistic view on the possible judging looks.
But a lot has changed in the last two years. While approaching a personal growth journey I realised how many of my life’s aspects were ruled by “what i thought other people would think”. Not even what they actually thought. What i thought they thought.
And for the first time i felt so limited in a box that i, myself, created for myself.
For instance if i wanted to wear something extra to go to the market, i did that. I am sure that other people may have judged, but the only ones that told me something about it had nothing to say but a compliment. For the past years i have had this desire of posting on social media – i figured that if i had to spend time on them at least i would have gotten something out of them – so i moved in small steps: i started with one platform where i blocked all of the people i knew, i then unblocked them and then i moved on another platform where i knew that the people in my life would have seen what i did.
All of this happened in 6 months not in a week. So when you fight this fear, don’t make things harder for your self and do it at your own peace, not someone else’s.
But the reason i decided to discuss “the fear of being seen” is because some days ago i came across a post of Steven Bartlett celebrating the fact that he was part of the Time 100 creators of 2025. Underneath the post he had written about how many potential people are wasting because they are too scared of what other acquaintances may think. He labelled this fear as tragic and I wouldn’t be able to find a better word.
Too many times people give up on their dreams just because they would have to do something different. Something described as embarrassing. We grow up thinking that being seen trying and failing is embarrassing, when in reality we are just building a life we fully enjoy. If we normalize being that conditioned on the small things, we will end up creating a reality based off what supposedly other people would not be able to judge negatively. Therefore a life made of alleged opinions of others. When you think it that way, not wearing the outfit because it’s “too extra” does not sound as appealing as it did before.
As someone who was in that place there is no other word but tragic to describe how it feels to hear someone say “i wished i could but i do not have the courage”. Especially because when you actually do it, you realize people don’t care that much.
